laughing and crying, don't you know it's the same release? [entries|friends|calendar] onmyradar86 navigation Main LJ Recent Entries Userinfo Friends Calendar Memories Previous 20 entries User Pictures Facebook Myspace about me these things define who i am: sassy. akpsi. weekends filled with friends. Christ. shopping. being healthy without working out (ask me how :). stress relief through painting. 3 hour naps. decorating magazines. 75 degree weather. my mini cooper. making up new words. another section I go to school at Baylor in Waco, Tx... just graduated and will soon begin with my graduate degree in Sociology. I have an amazing boyfriend whom I love, Mitch, and I spend most of my time with my cat, Sassy, or at the pool with my loveys. credit This layout was created by imafall3nstar. The images were found at Getty Images. They were edited in PSP 7/8 by Heather also. This layout is best viewed in 1024x768 screen resolution. Should be compatible in IE & Mozilla Firefox. [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

i see a sunset in your eyes [ updated on November 3rd,2008 ;; 10PM ] [ music | live your life ] this is going to be really short since i should be going to bed soon. i am paying 50 bucks tomorrow so that i will force myself to work out. me and laura are going to go this week to a 6:15 am toning class at school. i know, i know, early. but i don't really have time in the evenings what with reading and writing, so i figured if i woke up early and worked out i'd have time to sleep if i wanted to or i could do homework. it's really hard for me to get motivated to work out, mainly because i don't see anything wrong with my body but my slightly saggy butt. haha. i've worked out since i was in 5th grade though so it shouldn't be hard to make a habit again. i'm hoping that if i pay and have someone that is relying on me and i'm relying on her that i will continue to do it. besides that, my stats class is really stressful. i thought i was good at SAS but for some reason, none of my stuff is working and i'm freaking out. just so much to do. if only i hadn't been so lazy this weekend :) i'll leave you with a few pictures. one from the wedding, and one from halloween. comment -

shock me like an electric eel [ updated on October 20th,2008 ;; 12AM ] [ music | mgmt ] life is really great right now. i'm listening to the best music at the moment. i have both of my papers written that are due tuesday and wednesday. class was cancelled for tomorrow morning. i just dyed my hair dark brown with a little auburn. grad school is going great, i truly believe it is exactly what i'm supposed to be doing. i've started house shopping and although i won't buy until march/april, it is an exhilarating experience. i feel so prepared, so calm, so unstressed (most of the time), so happy. me and mitch are going great (i'm starting to get annoyed at stupid things though so that's frustrating... on to that later). i'm tan. i get so much sleep i don't know what to do with myself. now on to other things... this is going to sound selfish but let me know if i'm being legit. when i bought my car in may i purposely didn't order it with wheels because i was trying to decrease my monthly payments by avoiding things that could be bought after-market and probably cheaper. so christmas is coming up and my dad knows my reason for not getting the wheels. so i talked to my mom and told her that i'd like wheels for christmas. well they are freaking out about money because my dad wants to retire in january and she has given me the run around on the wheels. she made a deal with me that if i found some reasonable wheels and saved up enough money for tires before they bought the wheels, that i could have them for christmas. well i forwarded my dad a link tonight to some wheels and he responded with something about how i should forget about the wheels and focus on more important things. now i understand wheels are not a necessity but if i had known i wasn't going to get them as a gift then i would have just bought them at the beginning so that they would be added onto my payments instead of a lump sum that i'd have to save for. and yes, i understand that i will be getting a house and so money needs to be saved for that. but my question is if they are freaking out about money, am i just going to get a gift card for christmas? plus we made a deal... it doesn't seem right that they aren't holding up their end of the bargain since i have money for tires. please let me know if i just sound ridiculous and spoiled. i'm wondering if i shouldn't feel this way at 22. plus i know there are worse things in life. it's just frustrating to me. i guess we all have our spoiled moments. on to mitchy, while we've always spent the night at each others houses occasionally, for the past week or two the number of nights has skyrocketed. even over the summer it was like once during the week and then most of the weekend. but for some reason, lately it's been at least 3 nights a week and then the whole weekend. i'm not sure if it's because i'm being more productive while i'm by myself and get up later so i feel like it's ok to spend the night. but anyways, in that i've started to get annoyed at stupid things... but at the same time i've started acting more domestic and wifey. i've always made dinner pretty much every night. it's just easier that way since he works all day and i have time to cook and it saves money. but a few days ago he had spent the night and left the lemonade out all night on the coffee table so i called him on his way to work and asked him to be more considerate of my things and he got all defensive of course. well i quickly assured him that he had no reason to be mad at me for "bitching" when he bitches at me just as often about stupid things. so that died down quickly and now it's kind of a running joke between us because he leaves stupid things like milk out and the cereal box open and wet towels on the floor and doesn't flush the toilet or put the seat down. see what i mean? stupid things! but they make me so frustrated!! i'm just one of those people that likes things in their place. and he is such a neat freak it is so odd that he does things like that. well anyways despite the stupid idiosyncrasies, i think i love him more the more time that we spend together, especially spending the night. waking up to him and watching him get ready in the morning is so comforting. i'm insane. bless you if you read all of this. comment -

life is crazy but beautiful [ updated on October 3rd,2008 ;; 01PM ] my little love muffins. comment -

weeds [ updated on September 21st,2008 ;; 11PM ] it's an odd feeling. does the honeymoon stage last over a year or am i just in looooove? hahahhah. but seriously. comment - 3

i've decided i'd like to make a list of the things i love in life [ updated on September 8th,2008 ;; 12PM ] -a finished paper -talking on AIM to people in other cities (aka lore and allison) -eating with mitchy on his lunch break -when my cat jumps up on my bed and cries as if i'm inconveniencing where she wants to lay down -the way josie runs when you call her name or make a kissing sound -a clean car -a clean kitchen -a new shirt -hugs from mitch -laughter -calling someone "an embarrassment to society" -law and order marathons -getting my eyebrows waxed and a manicure -a clean desk -decorating magazines -haircuts ... to be continued. comment -

[ updated on September 4th,2008 ;; 12AM ] it's been a while since i've really been able to post. i have basically 2 books a week and 2 papers. it's alright though, i really enjoy doing both of those things. it can just be quite time consuming. i'm kind of behind so far on my readings for this week, but i'm hoping to catch up tomorrow at work. so far, i really enjoy grad school. it's like this kind of structured freedom. two of my classes are all discussion which is kind of hard for me sometimes... mainly because there are people that like to take over and i kind of feel like what i have to say doesn't compare... but i'm hoping to get over that soon. my classes are really small since my program is small. there are about 11 people in my discussion classes... and basically all the same people in all 3 of my classes haha. i can see this getting old. this busted show on mtv is hilarious. i like stealing mitch's clothes. pretty sure half of my lounge clothes are his... it's funny, he's always like "are those mine?" i finished decorating my office at home and posted pics on ourapartments. i love it... now i just want to use it. but i found out today my printer won't connect to my computer! i don't know why. also, me and crystal (my office-mate at work) bought a bookshelf off of craigslist and are going to paint it a french country purple color... our office is kind of like country home, shabby chic... basically all because of me but she likes it so it's fun. i have to go into work early tomorrow (instead of 11) because we had off monday, so i better be off to bed. comment -

[ updated on August 28th,2008 ;; 04PM ] livejournal, i'm not in the mood for you these days. i don't have much to say and have no interest in reading the never-ending posts from the communities that i'm a member of. all i do is read... write papers... spend time with mitch... clean... and sometimes, spend money decorating my apartment. sometime soon i'll have something great to share. anna comment - 1

[ updated on August 23rd,2008 ;; 12AM ] all i can think about is how much reading i already have... and school hasn't even started. comment -

you can have whatever you like [ updated on August 19th,2008 ;; 11PM ] i have graduate school orientation tomorrow at 8:30... i'm not so much worried about the early time (since i'm never up that early... EVER), but more about what i'm going to wear. i think i may be the only person that is worrying about that. it's odd, i have so many clothes and seriously almost every time i put clothes on i get a compliment, so why do i worry? i don't know, i guess we all have our idiosyncrasies... not having anything to wear may be the only thing to cause me to have a panic attack. my apartment has been a complete mess for over a week. i've cleaned the kitchen a few times but my room just continued to pile up. it was driving me absolutely insane. i have this weird habit of ignoring when things are dirty because messiness makes me nervous... so i ignore it?? i'm not sure the logic there, but it still hasn't worked. so i got a note that pest control was coming today so i decided last night that i was going to wake up early and clean my apartment so as to not embarrass myself in front of the pest control guys. bad idea because i kept waking up in the middle of the night thinking it was time to get up and clean. i was so afraid they were going to come while i was still in bed and i'd have to run to the door and then they'd see my apartment of terror. the things that cause me distress. my closet still isn't perfect (my shoes are still in my room instead of my shoe closet so that's annoying me), but it's a work in progress and my goal is to have all my laundry done and my apartment spotless by the time i start school... which is monday. i hope this feeling never goes away. comment -

you make me invisible [ updated on August 12th,2008 ;; 11PM ] i thought this was a cute picture of me, mitch, and josie. sometimes i wish i had pictures with me, sassy, and mitch but it's hard to get pictures with just me and sas. cats! i finished my paper for my summer session... "Teenage Mothers and How They Affect the Community" !! so great. i hope it was good, it kind of makes me nervous. the day after I turned in the paper, me and 2 other grad students started on a project for our press release. it was confusing at first, but i think i'm getting the hang of it. kind of exciting that our names will be mentioned for putting the data together. now i can slightly relax, get started on reading my books for the fall, and hang out with people before school starts and i never see anyone! i love icecream. comment -

i wanna love like johnny and june [ updated on August 11th,2008 ;; 12AM ] i haven't felt like writing in here since monday. it's been an odd week. i've been mainly anti-social, emotional, bitchy... but not needy! def not needy. i posted my office on ourapartments (i forgot how to do the link) and i got some amazing ideas. my apartment is coming together quite nicely. i just need more money! i'll always need more money but right now is the hardest. i'm sure when school starts i won't have the time to think about decorating my apartment. but it does feel pretty good to have every room but my office finished. i need to cut up my credit card... but that would mean i'd never be able to go anywhere. i hate money. but all this decorating makes me wonder where i'll be in a year when my lease is up. i'm pretty sure that i'll just continue to live here for another year although i'm not always too fond of my location. i can't complain about living alone. i was dreading it at first but it's nice to come home to my cat and only my cat. and in a year all the rest of my real friends will be graduating. i doubt i'll be too upset about it because i'm beginning to become bored with the bar scene and that's really all we do. i know i'll miss laura and lauren because i hang out with them outside of the bars. but besides that, i think that i'm becoming comfortable with just relaxing at home and doing homey things while mitch is at work. and when school starts i'll be doing so much reading that i won't even have time to facebook chat. this week has been full of decisions. it's hard to know if you're making the right decision. me and mitch have started this "devotions for the dating couple". it sounds really lame... i think it is actually. but as much as we talk about how we need Christ in our relationship, no one ever makes the initiative. we prayed together at the beginning of our relationship during some hard times, but we quickly became consumed in ourselves and each other. so i bought the book and we read the intro together and then mitch bought his copy. i'm pretty excited because even if me and mitch aren't spiritually connected, i still need to be spiritual by myself. we've also decided to make some changes in our relationship. it makes me wonder whether there are too many changes at once. what with the devotional, his new living situation, his new job, my soon-to-be workload times 10, and all the changes that we are trying to make as individuals to become more suitable partners. i don't know if that makes sense, but i know i'm not perfect and neither is mitch and i feel like there are certain things that you should work on for yourself... to make your life more enjoyable and able to be enjoyed with someone else. work off on tuesday. yesssm. comment - 2

mrs officer [ updated on August 4th,2008 ;; 11PM ] i went to happy hour today. i think we were there for 3 hours. i only had 3 $1 margaritas though... but i'm a lightweight. i still feel tipsy and it's about 11:30. that's pathetic. we had a lot of fun though. happy hour led to the great idea of playing board games. before that, i went to the grocery store tipsy, i could barely see down the isles... great idea, anna. i bought all this stuff to make dinner for mitch since he was working late tonight. well it didn't turn out quite as i had planned (i think that's what happens when you only read the first two paragraphs of the recipe and decide to buy all the stuff). so oh well, i wasted about 10 dollars but i improvised and it turned out great! so after dinner, we went to play board games. i forgot that i hated games so i gave up after two rolls of the dice on my part. then i got really tired, alcohol kicking in, so me and mitch left. alcohol makes my mind feel weird. it's a mix of tiredness, giggliness, horniness, and sadness. i swear i almost started crying when i said bye to mitch. he lives about 10 minutes away from me now and it's rather depressing to not live 3 blocks away anymore. it's like our lives have to be rearranged in order to see each other. i don't like it one bit. and well it's hard to be horny when you are with a bunch of friends and are tired and your boyfriend has work at 830 in the morning, but is waking up at 6 to run. blahhhh. and i think laughing really hard at everything makes me more tired. mitch has work off on wednesday so i got off as well... which basically meant working today on my day off. we also might be going to a wedding on friday. he forgot to rsvp of course, and well i think that's kind of important so we'll see. i'd love to go though. the last time we went to a wedding together was exactly a year ago. i was reading some great sex and the city quotes today. i fall in love with mitch more and more every day. this must be the alcohol. comment -

[ updated on August 3rd,2008 ;; 08PM ] i'm so excited that the finale of design star is on. i had a thought. i noticed that when people talk a lot of crap about each other, that it's really hard to get whatever people say out of your head. for instance, it seems like there is always that person that people pick on. even in our ripe old age of 22 (or however old, college-aged). and sometimes you get to know that person and realize hey she's not that bad. but it's hard to get other people to be so open to this person. i just feel bad, because i know i talk a lot of crap and i definitely hold those opinions of my own and whatever other people have said against the person that is talked about. even if you don't witness something firsthand, you pretend like you did. i just wish that people were able to form their own opinions. people deserve a chance. and if everything that you've heard about someone is true, then ok. but we all have faults and we all deserve a chance to prove ourselves and to have friends. i love blackberry cobbler. comment -

[ updated on July 29th,2008 ;; 10PM ] everything seems to be coming together. i had a meeting today with the director of my program so i could give her what i had finished of my paper. i have a lot more to go, but i wanted to get critiques on what i had so far and ask a few questions. well when that was done she showed me an email from an encyclopedia publisher, saying that they were looking for authors for various immigration topics. she said that it would be a good way to get my foot in the door on being published, since my name would be at the bottom of the article!! pretty exciting. i'm basically in shock about this whole thing because the paper i'm writing right now on teenage pregnancy could be published as well. she also mentioned the Applied Sociology meetings in October where people present papers. i wrote a paper on focus groups last semester so she said that i could present that paper. it usually means going somewhere out of state, staying at a hotel, etc. gahh!! i think i almost started crying. i love action movies. comment -

it's nothing but words [ updated on July 28th,2008 ;; 01PM ] i've been thinking a lot about myself. who i am, what makes me burn good and bad, where i'm going. some things are pretty clear... but this weekend i started to wonder how one of my best friends can make me more angry than i've ever been. it seems odd to me considering she is supposed to be my best friend, but we are somehow always in competition... not by my choice though considering i run from competition. it's all about money for her. she is dating a guy who has told her specifically that he doesn't want her to work. i will admit she is drop dead gorgeous and has an amazing personality, but all i want to do is scream at her and tell her that there is more in life. there is more to "the perfect relationship" (she is the girl i am referring to in one of my previous entries), the big house, perfect hair and makeup, nice cars, a huge engagement ring, and designer handbags. however, when talking to my mom about it, she pointed out that i have many of those things so who am i to judge her. which is true, i rarely leave the house without perfect hair and makeup and i drive a fairly expensive vehicle for a 22 year old (but i make the payments thank you). i would love to have a large house and if my fiance could afford a big ring then ok, but it does not determine our relationship. i would be happy either way. and i would like to point out that the only designer bag i have is a small coach clutch that was marked 75% off at a coach outlet in alabama. i feel like you can have all those nice things and still be a pure human being that lives for Christ. just because you have nice things doesn't mean you have to look down on others. and that is where me and her differ. going to baylor, there are plenty of people who have nicer things than me. and i will never be the person to live beyond my means in order to fit in. and never would i say things to people to bring them down because of material objects. but that is what she does to me. i somehow get myself stuck in the perfect opportunity for her to point out what she wants and what she has. and all i can say is "well i try not to be materialistic." one day i know i will blow up and say something rude if this continues, but what is the point. my mom says that i need to have enough confidence in myself and what i have to not let her opinions on things make me feel inferior. i believe that i have that confidence and i know it wouldn't bother me if it was someone else but it is her, my best friend since 7th grade. i'm supposed to be her maid of honor, but i almost feel like i'd be the maid of honor to a marriage that i think is a load of bullshit... a relationship of no substance. a typical trophy wife wedding. i've also realized that i have a lot of pent up anger. i think my friend lauren can be the greatest testament to this because she is always the person i go to when my psycho factor is high. i've even considered fighting this gay guy that has been causing a lot of unnecessary drama because even though i'm a 105 pound 5'8 girl, there is something raging inside of me. it's actually scary at times. i see it the most when i'm on the road. people i don't even know betray me in some way and all hell breaks loose. i'm surprised i haven't gotten in an accident. mitch thinks it's because i don't work out. it seems logical, how am i supposed to have a release if i never do anything involving physical activity. i guess i thought painting would be enough of a release but it's obviously different. today i went to hobby lobby to pick up a custom frame and i ordered the wrong size. typical stupid mistake of mine. i'm really getting tired of this. i'm hoping that mitch doesn't want to do anything tonight. all i want to do is curl up and watch a movie. sleeping last night sucked. josie wouldn't sit still so mitch eventually put her downstairs. and then i had nightmares all night. my head is pounding. maybe i will go to the gym and use the elyptical. it's the only machine i like. comment -

the golden girls vs. that 70's show [ updated on July 22nd,2008 ;; 12AM ] what to watch, i don't know. i'm taking care of josie while mitch is at training in dallas. she's such a sweet baby. my focus group went really well tonight. i'm so glad that everyone showed up and were contributing to the discussion. i need to paint. i also like taking pictures of myself when i'm all dolled up. i have no money, it sucks. comment - 1

[ updated on July 19th,2008 ;; 06PM ] So I took Lily to the vet thinking that it would be a quick and easy checkup, just to make sure everything was ok considering she was a stray... but I was mistaken. They scanned her looking for a microchip in order to see if there were any records at the humane society or anything. Well the vet assistant called the humane society and it ended up that the lady who adopted her has been calling every shelter frantically searching for her. So I had to give her back! I was so upset that I ran out of the clinic bawling with my hands over my face. It was kind of funny when I think about it, but terribly sad. I have to admit that it is probably better this way, she is with her original owner, I don't have time or money to take care of a dog, and I already have an incredibly annoying shared dog with Mitch that made having another dog super complicated. So now all my attention is back to Sassy and Josie. I've also decided that I want to get a bigger dog whenever I have a house and a yard... That way it can stay in the backyard or it will be a lot easier to take it outside to go to the bathroom... instead of my current chore of walking the dog down the stairs and waiting around for 10 minutes until Josie decides to pee. This next week is going to be so busy. I have 2 focus groups that I have to take notes for and type up the notes... and also try to make more progress on my paper. Mitch is going to Dallas again and I was hoping that I would be able to visit him, but I don't think I will make it. I was planning on going up Friday but I'm going home to Houston sometime on Friday. It will be forever until I see him again, but I really shouldn't talk... There are other people who have long distance relationships! I'm spoiled. I'm obsessed with the kid shapes Mac and Cheese. It is way better than the regular. I hope we are going out tonight, I'm sick of being in the apartment or hot sun. comment -

all i wanna do is take your money [ updated on July 14th,2008 ;; 11PM ] so i didn't wake up until noon today and it was amazing. i woke up just in time to go to lunch with mitchy poo on his lunch break of his first day of work. so cute! i got a call from my mom after lunch saying that she found a book of my grandmother's (they are going through all the boxes since my grandfather died in may) that had her address written in it when she went to school at Baylor. yeah, my grandparents met at Baylor :) so i went to find the house, doubtful that it would still be standing. but there it was on 8th street. although my grandmother died of cancer when i was in 1st grade, just seeing her house and thinking about how she walked to school from there every day made me burst into tears. and of course, that made my mom cry too. it was kind of surreal... or unreal. i'm not sure. since then my mom has been researching the price and who owns it. we've discovered that a church owns it and like 25 other homes... i'm guessing for investment properties. maybe i can bully them into selling it to me. on another note, i've adopted a stray puppy. she is a jack russell terrier and poodle mix named Lily... named by me. katie and her roomates found her outside their home and took her in but were unable to take care of her along with their other dogs. so now josie has a friend and maybe sassy will eventually. they basically ignore each other unless sassy comes too close and then lily raises her upper lip to show her teeth. it's funny but i hope they do ok tomorrow at home together. i'm going to have to start going in at 9 and then coming home for lunch so i can take her out. gahh i hate waking up in the morning. i also wish it wasn't so hot outside so that i could walk to school. good thing i have a mini cooper, however i see my gas disappearing just as frequently. i wish i had more money... having an unexpected ticket definitely put a crimp in my... style? i am so in love with mitch. ever since he got back from training in dallas i've been elated and more patient and calm and trusting and understanding and prob a bunch of other things. and he's been all those things and more. i just want to spend forever with him. hobby lobby has 50% off custom frames so i'll finally be able to frame my van gogh art print. it's beautiful!! i've also come up with all these other ideas for the rest of the wall. i love decorating!! my focus groups are coming together slowly. the first one is next monday and my group is complete. i'm so excited!! bedtime. work tomorrow. lunch with my baby. and maybe i'll walk the dog. she's a little overweight :) comment -

my favorites [ updated on July 7th,2008 ;; 11PM ] comment -

don't go in there! [ updated on July 7th,2008 ;; 04PM ] going to the pool everyday is my idea of a great life. i wish i had friends on livejournal that i could read... like i used to. perhaps i will make new ones or add my old ones. my next post will be a picture list of ways i'd like to decorate (all from ethan allen). I'll probably add the pics to my decorating ideas book :) mitchy is in dallas for job training, but i'm going to visit him on wednesday and spend the night. he's taking me out to a fancy dinner since i'm such a great girlfriend :) miss my lovey cakes. my mom is on facebook. we are not friends. my wall decor in my bedroom... comment -

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